Today (30 April 2019), it is 500 weeks or 3,500 days since Clea died. I don’t really know what to say.
I was listing in my head all the places we have visited in the past 500 weeks. It was a rather long list of places internationally and within Australia. I stopped as it was becoming clear that there were many, many places where she had not been with us.
Clea would be 16 ½ years old now. Her brothers will be 15 in a few weeks’ time. They are both taller than me. She would have been taller than me (but I am not very tall). She would be in Year 11. What else can I say?
I have been trying to create a life for myself. I am trying to find one that is not based on shared grieving but one that is based on a shared life, honesty and common interests. I think we are all responsible for our own pain and our own happiness. You can’t continue to blame others for what they have or have not done and they are not going to help you anyway. Life can be a lonely journey sometimes but that’s OK. Grief, in particular, is a lonely journey.
Over the years, we all learn to manage our grief and deal with it in different ways; in our own ways. It is important to grieve in your own way. Peace is hard to come by. You may be stronger and more confident that you, or others, may think.