An Old Boyfriend

I ran into the mother of an ex-boyfriend last week. I have seen her on and off over the past few years as one of her grandsons was at pre-school with Jordi and Omar and sometimes she would be there picking him up.

She told me that her son had taken his own life at the age of 47.

All I could say to her was that he always was a troubled soul; even 20 years ago when we went out together.

She said he had issues but she didn’t want to go into details and I didn’t want to tell her that I knew what some of those ‘issues’ were. He stalked me. He knew where I lived. He knew which way I drove to work. He would turn up out of the blue as though he knew where I was going to be. He did the usual phoning and hanging up when someone answered. He did that on and off for many years; I even remember him calling after I was married which was more than five years after we had gone our separate ways. His sister told me last year not to worry because she was not going to tell him where I lived. So yes, he did have issues.

I don’t think he deliberately set out to treat me badly. But unfortunately he did.

I did tell her how sorry I was that she had lost her son in such a way. I would not wish the loss of a child on anyone. I also told her about The Compassionate Friends. I know that sometimes I feel like I am at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting – ‘hi I’m Trudie, something horrible happened to me, etc’ – but these people know how you feel and can help you to feel less like a freak.

A mother who also lost her son in the tsunami in Samoa told me once that being in touch with me made her feel less like a freak. Those of us who are in such pain and anguish are considered to be the freaks. The freaks are not those who cannot cope with our pain. We have no choice but to cope with the pain. Others can walk away. That’s a sad indictment on society, isn’t it?

Last night was, World Wide Candle Lighting. Each year at 7 pm on the second Sunday in December, candles are lit by The Compassionate Friends members, creating a glow of candles around the globe. We lit four candles for Clea.

About huntersoledad

Mother of three. Bereaved mother of one. Survivor and victim of 2009 Samoan tsunami. Could be if would be writer.
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