What does it all mean?

Clea's Callistemon

 We not only have Clea’s Rose but we also have Clea’s callistemon which was planted by Clea’s classmates at Amaroo School. It has bright pink flowers and most students walk past at one time or another during the day. Underneath there is a small plaque with Clea’s name.

So maybe plants are important memorials to death. We have also built a library as a memorial to our daughter (which I will blog about next time). I do not understand what it all means.

Often I wonder what it means that Clea was born on a Friday, died on a Tuesday and was buried on a Friday. I was born on a Tuesday; my sons were born on a Monday. On what day will we die?

And what about dates? The midwife told me to always write Clea’s birth date as 03-01-03 because three is a lucky number (?). So what about 29-09-09, Clea’s death date, are nines unlucky numbers?

There are songs which say love conquers all and that love will solve all your problems. My husband said that Clea was like me; she thought that one kiss would solve all the problems and that he would stop being cranky with her (or with me). Unfortunately, one kiss does not solve any problems and love does not solve any problems.

Instead of talking about our problems, my mother says ‘but I love you’ as though that is the answer and as though that is enough. It is the final statement to any argument she has with her children. Well, it is not enough. I love Clea. I love Clea with all my heart but it is not enough. It was not enough to save her and it will not take away my grief for her. If love conquered all, she would have been saved from the tsunami because she is a very well-loved child. Of that, there can be no doubt.

Love is part of life and is a wonderful part of life but it is not all there is in life and it will not conquer your pain or your fears. There is more to life than love; so much more.

About huntersoledad

Mother of three. Bereaved mother of one. Survivor and victim of 2009 Samoan tsunami. Could be if would be writer.
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2 Responses to What does it all mean?

  1. insaniteen says:

    As much as we all want to believe otherwise, love doesn’t conquer all and sometimes, bad things happen to really good people. I don’t know what it all means either but if I figure it out, I’ll be sure to let you know.

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